Thankful... for Surprises

Or at least I'm trying to be. You know when you have your life mapped out and planned and you think you know what's going on and that you're in control? And then you know the feeling when you get knocked off your once cute firm pre-baby little bum? That's where I am.

Next summer I was going to have an 18month old and a 3 year old and an almost 5 year old. And I was really really looking forward to that. I was so excited to be out of baby-mode. To see my kids getting older and to move on with the next phase of my life.

Then on Tuesday I peed on a stick. For about the millionth time in my life.

And now I will have a newborn and a 17 month old and a three year old and a not-yet-5 year old. It was never in my plans to have 4 kids under 5.

But plans have a way of changing and surprises have a way of, well, surprising.

SURPRISE!

So I'm trying really hard to be thankful. And I'm trying really hard to wrap my brain around this. And I am thankful for sweet baby Delta surprise. It's just going to take some time to get used to this. Thank goodness pregnancy is 9 months! I have some time.

If Delta doesn't make it, I will be both sad and relieved. Probably in equal measure. And I feel sad about that. I have only ever been thrilled for pregnancies, so this is new. I keep coming back to the thought that Thomas is giving us this gift. And if the baby doesn't make it, then Thomas will have somebody to play with, hang out with, love, and steal toys from (are there toys in heaven?? there must be!) until Matt and I are there to hold them.

Come on, brain. Hurry up and process because I just want to get to excited.

SO I'm thankful that my life is not under my control. I'm thankful that there are surprises in life, I am thankful for babies, even unplanned ones, I am thankful for being blessed with this child, and I am thankful that there is time before this child is here.

oh- one more thing. I re-read my last post and then I laughed at the line about "your pregnancy was unplanned?" Hmmm. Looks like Karma came to call. Again. Lesson learned. All babies are blessings. Planned or not. The unplanned ones take the same time to implant in our wombs, they  just take a little longer to implant in our hearts.