The un-expected side-effects of having a severely allergic child.

Obviously having bravo and his allergies in his life has changed me as a parent and as a person, in a lot of different ways. But I’ve noticed one change that I would never have thought about. And I’m not alone. Matt has the same problem now.

We cannot watch TV or see an add or go to a conference or see a new restruaunt without thinking of Bravo. And his inevitable death if he consumed whatever it is that is being promoted.

You know that stupid Philly Cream Cheese commercial? “spread a little love, today, spread a little happiness blah blah, something neener neener to remember” (I’m good at lyrics, can’t you tell?) wait…   that’s the song. Not the commercial, but the real full song. And I just listened to it and I WOULD think it was a happy cute little song that I would add to my “bobby head music” playlist IF…..
if I didn’t think of stupid cream cheese every time and if in my head the words didn’t change to “spread a little death today, spread a little death to Bravo, make it a shitty day to remember”. But seriously, that’s what goes through my head. Every single time I see the commercial. Because yes, the food does look delicious. And I would LOVE to cook with cream cheese! But, and this is a big hhuge BUT, it would kill bravo. In about 12 seconds. So, um, they can keep their love.

I sit here at work and I just ate a cream egg (I keep hoping they’re going to be good like I remember from when I was a kid and then I just feel nauseated from far too much sugar in one mouthful. Which is saying something because I could eat a spoon of straight sugar and still think it’s not enough sugar) and as I bit into it and the gooey mess dripped down the side I thought “how many ingredients in this would kill Bravo?”. I can’t help it. It’s this automatic reaction I have.

Matt went to a conference the other week and there was the typical lunch buffet. He got to the first part with the fruit plate and the cheese platter and the meats and buns etc etc etc. And he made a random passing comment to his co-worker of “huh, Bravo wouldn’t be able to eat any of this” The co-worker, who knows all about bravo, asked why he couldn’t eat the fruit. Matt’s answer? “look at what you’re doing”. She had used the same pair of tongs from the cheese buns on the strawberries. Making the whole platter of fruit death-on-a-plate. A light went on int the coworkers head and she asked if there was ANYTHING that our boy would be able to eat. And the only thing there that would be safe would be a banana from the bruised basket of fruit at the end. Worst case is he would get a rash on his hand from cross contamination on the peel. He could eat the apple if he took it to the bathroom first and scrubbed it with soap. But anything else…. Nope. Milk, mayonnaise, cheese, soy, beans, nuts, peanuts, they lurk everywhere. They’re the buffet’s best friend. He would be able to do the plain salad if he talked to the hotel first and ensured proper preparation conditions and then he got to the salad before anybody else put dirty tongs into it. But that would be taking a big risk. Sad when eating lettuce could be the end of you. Or at least cause a lot of pain and drama and an ambulance bill.

I don’t like this change in me. I don’t like feeling bitter at all the yummy commercials. Campbell’s mushroom soup? Death. I hate food commercials.

I was watching some really crappy cooking show on Shaw TV or something lame like that and I watched the first 45 seconds. And in that 45 seconds they used 5 different ingredients that Bravo is allergic to. So I turned it off.

Every time I hear about something, like a family road trip, all that goes through my head is the logistics of that with a bravo-type kid. No starting the road trip with McDonalds drive through. Meals…. That terrifies me. The amount of research we would have to do first is insane. Where along the whole route could he eat? And where near that is the nearest emergency facility? How far is the longest stretch between hospitals that could care for a small child in anaphylactic shock? Divide the longest time by 15 minutes and that’s how many epi pens we would need to have on us. Is the break between hospitals 45 minutes? Then we need 3 epi pens at all times. Because if he somehow gets bad things into him, an epi pen may only last 15 minutes before he needs another shot or other emergent care.

I can’t go through normal life, seeing and hearing every day stories, without thinking of how scary this world is for a little tiny child with big huge allergies. And I worry for him when he is older if he doesn’t outgrow this. Band trips? Sport trips? Road trips with friends? TERRIFYING. And likely not possible.

I wish this wasn’t a constant presence in my head.

Or that at least the allergic community would start making and advertising affordable and safe foods for people with multiple food allergies.

And I also wish I lived in Montreal. For this one reason.

I would LOVE to take bravo out for supper.
A restaurant that bans all the major 8 food allergens. Amazing. That doesn’t count legumes aside from soy and peanuts, but I’m pretty sure they would take all precautions when informed. And they carry epi pens in case a diner has a reaction and doesn’t have their epi pen on them. That amazing!!

Maybe one day I’ll win a whack load of money and then get the people who made this restaurant to do a franchise in Winnipeg. If you do live in Montreal, you should go there and then tell me how it is. And if the food is good despite being made of all Bravo-friendly things.

Oh- My new answer to people when they find out about Bravo’s food allergies and then ask “so what DO you feed him?” It's “soylent green” And I’m delighted when I get the response back of “it’s people!” instead of the confused look I normally get.

What am I even talking about any more???