living life with a highly allergic kid

I’m done. Me and bravo, we quit. No more allergies. No more reactions. No more stupid fucking allergies.

You hear me, allergy gods?

I’m done.

Too bad you don’t give a crap about us.

I’m angry right now.

And I’m sad.

And I’m heartbroken for my sweet bravo.

And I’m tired.

Wow, am I ever tired.

I hate allergies. I hate what they do to lives.

I hate that people don’t understand them.

I hate that they are seen as a “nuisance” for non-allergic families.

I hate that the word "allergy" is so over-used and is used to describe "my belly hurts" or 'my eyes are itchy". which, yes, it may be annoying, but every person complaining of their mild irritations from allergies really lessens the impact when you say your child is allergic to multiple foods. I'm not talking about a stomach ache. I'm talking about potential death.

I hate the worry that comes with them.

I hate the fear I live in.

I hate telling my beautiful boy that he can’t have what others are eating.

I hate having to pretend everything is fine.

I hate trying to be positive about it all.

I hate living like this.
I hate that it’s happening to my sweet tiny boy.

I hate that at any second some benign particle could wind up in bravos system and take him away from me.

I hate that we will never have all the answers. Just when we think we have his allergies all pinned down he has yet another reaction to some new food.

I hate it when people tell me there are worse things that could happen to our family. Yup. I know that. There are much worse chronic medical conditions that bravo could have. Aren’t we lucky that we only have allergies. Because it’s easy and fun. And I’m not worried about him dying every single day.

I hate that kids with multiple anaphylactic food allergies are not covered under the disability act. They have no protection, no rights, no one fighting for them but their ill-equipped parents, no laws to protect them in school (unless you happen to live in Ontario where they have Sabrina’s Law which was passed because a child died of allergies in a school), no help for the insane costs associated with the grocery bill of multiple food allergy kids.

I went to the health food store yesterday. I bought 2 bags of allergy-free chocolate chips, 1 tub of soy free/ dairy free yogurt, 1 tub of bravo- safe margarine,  and 2 small jars of sunflower seed butter. And it cost $68. If I went to walmart and bought the same items in a non-allergic form it would have been under $20. But according to the government having multiple food allergies does not present a financial challenge to families. Clearly nobody that’s in the decision making department has ever lived with this. The funny thing is that people with celiac disease can write off their food. BUT… if a person has an allergy to wheat and barley they do NOT get to claim the exact same foods. Even though it could cause anaphylaxis and death. Which apparently is not as bad as the stomach problems caused by celiac. (please anybody reading this that has celiac don’t take offense. You should be helped, I’m not mad at you. And I know it’s worse than a belly ache and it’s a serious disease. I just think the system is stupid and I’m angry right now.)

BUT.. on the good side, we don’t have to buy the $6 miniscule tub of soy free dairy free yogurt any more. Because, surprise, Bravo is allergic to it. I have no idea what in it caused the allergy. I need to study the ingredients and do some research on it. It might be coconut. So until we know otherwise, I guess we’re adding one more food to our Avoid List. Which, by the way, is getting really stupid.

oh- an update. I googled every single ingredient on the list and it's most likely locust extract, which is from the carob bean, which we had been avoiding. Stupid me didn't know that locust extract is another name for carob bean. Super.

I feel like I'm failing bravo. His poor little system just needs a break.

My first post today was much happier but i couldn't wait to post this becasue I'm just so sad and anrgy.